Saturday, July 15, 2006

But... why? I thought You were going to do something about this. I felt like it was going to happen. What good is faith anyway!! I survive bullet after bullet after bullet... WHY? She just had poison in her! That's it! You make me dodge bullets but you let her die after drinking a cup of water? This isn't a joke! What? What game are you playing here? You turn off the lights, make nations crumble, religions fighting each other... Is this the answer? Is this your divine plan?! To have everyone on the planet kill each other off, except for me?

Karol is dead. She's dead. She's dead. SHE IS DEAD. SHE IS DEAD! SHE IS DEAD! SHE IS DEAD! SHE IS DEAD!

How... why... you make me sit in here with the door locked, you put these voices in my head, telling me to type on my stupid freaking computer, telling me to relive every horrible minute again and again! I can break this thing! It isn't hard. Smash it against the fireplace. Chuck it into the fire. Try to make me do this monotonous task THEN! How about that?!

I can't do it. I have to do this. Why do you make me do this? Why do you make it so that I can't think straight until I've finished this? Are you punishing me? Were you trying to save her, only... it was my fault that she is dead? Am I to blame? TELL ME!

The girls are crying outside. They're shouting at me. "Why are the doors locked, Mike!" "Why are you doing this, Michael!" "Are you insane?" YES, AND WHOSE FAULT IS IT. They don't know if I've lost it completely.

I've got people to comfort, Heavenly Father. They cannot suffer this alone. Please. Let me go. I can tell the story later. I can't let the girls handle Karon's death by themselves. Who knows if Sharon is doing as well as we thought? Her life might be forfeit as well! Please. I know you have a plan, just help me, please. I'm sorry. I shouldn't doubt thee. I am your servant, I know. I need to get off of this computer.

Maybe, if thee could just lift one of my hands off of this stupid keyboard.. then i can just do the resttttttgh

5 Comments:

At 9:10 AM, Blogger morris said...

G'day, Morris here from 'The Greatest Blog Experiment,' I'm adding you link under 'Creative Writing,' is that ok?

Could you please add my link to our blog now?

thanks

Morris

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger Daniel said...

Damn it, Morris. Stop advertising your [bleep\ing blog experiment. Don't you read these entries? This fella's had one of his friends die on him, for god's sakes!

As for water, we've been boiling ours, or adding a few drops of bleach, since the power went out near a water treatment facility. I suggest doing that.

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Senator J. W. Hart said...

And lo, when all else has fallen to dust, only the spambots remain...what a commentary on civilization.

I've been boiling the water too out of habit (it's what Dad did during all those hurricanes), but does that eliminate poison? Biological agents, sure, but chemical? I tried to find out if the milgov authorities know anything about these poison attacks, but they're stonewalling on me. Fuckers.

We'll say a prayer for you guys over here. It's all I can think of to do.

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

It won't get rid of outright poisons, of course, just kill bacteria (it's why Chinese railroad workers rarely got dysentery, they drank tea). The best we do is only drink or cook with water put through a filtered tap then boiled, or use coffee filters. I also found a Brita filter in an abandoned townhouse a few blocks from here (the other neighbors were grabbing valuables and food, I grabbed the filter and an old-fashioned washing board...). We've also been drinking, or diluting then drinking, pre-event stores of soda and juice, and also alcohol (we have a few bottles we've never used...).

If I had any pH strips I'd check the water and only drink it if it were neutral or slightly base. As is, there's lots to leave to trust. If the water contains lethal amounts of cyanide or something we're toast...

Anyway I've heard a rumor from a disreputable sort that the government had established a shelter in an alternate reality... take it what you will, this guy also claimed to have a mind-control ray.

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

Oh, and may God grant peace and protect the soul of Karol, and all others who have died.

 

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